Today, Gene asked me a question.

Izzit necessary to get attached? Or are we just seeking for temporay comfort?
My ans: If I dun like anyone now, and someone came along and be nice to me and I agree to be with thim just becos of that, then, THAT would be me, seeking for tempory comfort. Which is WRONG. Cos the guy would be hurt right? WRONG again. Yes, he would be hurt in the end BUT the process of me being exasperated, facing delimma, guilt and stuff, is much worse then the one who got dump.

HOWEVER, I would like to get attach with a guy I really like.
I would like to experience the feel again.
After my first love, I never seem to be able to fall for anyone, soften for anyone. And these days, sometimes I got jealous and pissed off at the sight of lovly dovy couples on the train, buses and streets. Was thinking, kao... don't hold hands and walk will fall izzit? Especially when I'm cold on the bus and see girls snuggling to their boyfriend... AISEH! The feeling ar!! LOLz...
Esther is not crazy okay...I've got a number of single friend who feel lidat too! We're jealous! LOL!!!

BUT THEN AGAIN, izzit necessary to be attached with the one you really like?
My ans: NO. To be able to stay in contact, to see him/her a few times a week and have heart to heart talks is already considered a blessing.
To me, one should never be too greedy.
Things change if you rush things or try to squeeze a conclusion out of it.
Be there for the one you like. Might be one the losing end, but so what?
Theres nth to start off either, so there's nth to lose.
I mean, what do you want?
Be their best friend and enjoy the sweetness of care and concern shared?
Or you prefer to the experience the excruiating pain of not know at all whats going on in his/her life?

I have many friend, who are smart, humorous, well built, good physical appeal, i mean the whole package is there and there they are, asking me ''est...whats wrong with me? why am i not attached?'' and I do ask myself back the same question.

In conclusion, theres no conclusion.

I only know that through experience, NEVER be with anyone if you don't really like them.

NEVER with with them becasue of good will, becos they treat you well, becos you feel guilty.

In turn, you should be with somone that you would want to pamper, someone that puts a smile on your face whenever you think of him/her, someone which you would be gracious to their actions, someone whom you would care for their well being(health, total sleeping hours, reaching home safely) more then interferring with their private life, someone whom you would still stay by his side even you know the odds are against you. Someone that you would place them before yourself. Someone that you yearn to give them everything and all you want is him, giving you a small solid place in his heart, him loving you in whichever way he choose to express.

As the saying goes, to have loved and lost, is better never to have loved before.

Oh well, its just one of Esther's late night emo theories.
Or perhaps how she felt at this point of time =)

esther was here at 10:40 PM